You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
