I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
