i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
