Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
