The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize