It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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