So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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