Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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