Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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