she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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