I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
sex in a hospital.. check
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize