you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
