MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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