the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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