apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize