The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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