I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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