Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
