buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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