i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
