At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize