The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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