Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My vagina just clenched in fear
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
