How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
