It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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