gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize