everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize