i'm signing you up for texting rehab
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
