He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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