i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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