I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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