I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There's even glitter on my cock...
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