2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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