You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
