Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
