there's paper in my vomit.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My pussy is not your playground.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
