I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
