My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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