ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
