Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.

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(343): View more from Ontario

STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.

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(408): View more from California

New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.

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(360): View more from Washington

It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.

Fav 11 732 1947
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(264): View more from Anguilla

I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.

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(417): View more from Missouri

We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.

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