That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
