$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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