DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
