I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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