VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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