Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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