so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
