Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
