I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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