For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
