I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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