He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
