does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
