Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
