i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
