Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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