yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
