I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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