So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
