Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
