Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
