Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
