You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
