And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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