WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
